Do you have a favorite childhood story? Which stories have you heard so often that they’ve changed the way you view yourself and the world around you?
Everyone has childhood stories. As you grow up, you subconsciously choose which stories stay with you and which ones shape how you view yourself and others. Is there one story you keep telling yourself that limits you or holds you back? You can challenge that story by taking a few steps to quiet the negative talk and replace the negative story with a positive one.
How do you tell your most extraordinary tale? The answer lies in how you frame your narrative.
The Fault in Our Brains
Although positive psychology suggests that it’s better to be optimistic, the human brain’s negativity bias is well known and documented by scientists. Our bias toward negativity is instinctual. It’s a natural, physiological flight-or-fight response.
The fight-or-flight response, also known as an acute stress response, is a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of fear, either mentally or physically. Our bodies release hormones that prepare us to either stay and fight in the face of danger or run away.
The negative bias is evident in many situations. Compliments make us uncomfortable, and we tend to remember negative interpretations of an event rather than positive ones. We might even ruminate on the negative points for days. If only I had done this instead of that. I fell prey to this negative bias just this week. I did very well in an evaluative situation. However, all I could focus on for the next two days was what I’d done wrong rather than what I’d done right! Even scientists can’t escape this natural survival instinct.
The Unwanted Visitor Brings with it Unwanted Thoughts
Negative beliefs come from our inner saboteur. The thoughts are unwanted and unwelcome. From an early age, we are taught to think critically, and problem solve. Critical thinking and problem-solving are key factors we learn at an early age. The problem is that we’re not taught about the power of such thoughts and beliefs. Nor are we told about our ability to choose.
We have to remember that it’s never too late to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. If you read my post about emotions, you found out that fear and excitement are different emotions. Still, they can generate the same feelings in the body, like sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, and unsteady breathing. If you reframe your thinking, you can trick your brain into feeling excitement rather than fear by telling yourself another story. “I’m excited to give this presentation because I’m well prepared.” Rather than saying, “I’m terrified to give this presentation. There is no way that I will do well.”
Retrain Your Brain to Tell a Positive Story
Because the flight-or-fight response is automatic and natural and has been with you for so long, it might take some time to focus on positive rather than negative thoughts. You might even feel awkward and uncomfortable. Eventually, new neural pathways will form, and it will become easier and more comfortable to tell another story, a positive story.
You can tell another story by training your brain. You can teach your brain to form new ideas and stories. Mindfulness helps you reframe your thoughts. Mindfulness isn’t about clearing the mind of all thought but checking in with your thoughts and observing what is happening at the moment. Acknowledge that your current state isn’t permanent. This, too, shall pass. For example, if you’re anxious, rather than letting anxiety plague and consume you, recognize that the anxiety will eventually go away.
Personify Your Inner Saboteur
Give your inner saboteur a name and a job to do when it drops by to tell you how bad you are. You can even give it a personality and a voice. Remove the power your unwanted visitor has over you by acknowledging its existence. These actions can help to remind you that you are in charge of your thoughts. Hold the image of your visitor in your mind and speak to it. Confirm that at one time, it might have protected you. But now, the things it says are unhelpful and make you feel bad about yourself. Tell your visitor that it needs to leave you alone so you can realize what you could be without it.
If you can personify the negative thoughts, you realize it’s not you, but it’s just another voice. Because it’s another voice, you can also tell another story, a story with a positive character, an inner uplifter who supports you and doesn’t bring you down.
Consider this:
“Our behaviors reflect what we believe. If we want to change our behavior, we have to change our beliefs.” ~ Author Paty Houser
My advice to you, get into the habit of telling another story, challenging your negative beliefs regularly, and replacing them with more positive ones. You can change your narrative.
Be sure to listen to my podcast, Psychologically Speaking, available wherever you stream your favorite podcasts.
A podcast for anyone interested in how psychology applies to everyday life.
