After a year like this one, the question: “Are you taking care of yourself?” no longer seems strange as most of us probably would not answer, “yes”—after all, this has been the year of involuntary homeschooling, dining tables turned home offices, multi-tasking in ways that we’ve never had to multi-task before, getting to know our spouses, partners, and roommates all over again, taking up new hobbies, becoming even more dependent upon social media and technology, and the introduction of a new must-have accessory (aka the face mask). For those of you with families to care for, self-care was probably the last thing on your to-do list as 2020 kicked our butts. But why is that? It probably has a lot to do with how you define self-care.  So I’ll ask: How do you define self-care?

• A Google search of the term self-care returned 61,400,000 results.
• The term self-care experienced peaks and valleys throughout the course of the pandemic.
• The most recent article on self-care was posted 4-hours ago at the time of this post.
• Although it might seem to be the latest buzzword or trend, the concept of self-care has been around since the 1970s.

What is and what isn’t Self-Care

What self-care isn’t: Suppose you define self-care as an indulgent activity like a spa day, a day at the salon, or taking care to have that glass of red wine while enjoying a long bubble bath. In that case, I can imagine why you might feel you don’t deserve such a reward when everyone counts on you to take care of them.

Self-care isn’t self-improvement with the mindset that you need to fix something wrong. Nor is it a selfish act.  Do you recall what the flight attendants used to say during those days when you were allowed to travel freely across the friendly skies, and your only worry was who might sit next to you on the plane? They would tell you to put on your oxygen mask first, YOUR MASK on FIRST in the event of a loss in cabin pressure!

Now, I hear you saying, “So if I don’t take of myself, that means I can’t take care of anyone or anything else. “ You’ve got it! You need to be aware of your own needs so that you can address them.  In turn, you can recognize and attend to the needs of others. Long story short, self-care begins with tuning in to your needs.

What self-care is: Now that we know what self-care isn’t, let’s talk about what self-care is. Self-care is finding the time and energy to be kind to ourselves. The World Health Organization recognizes self-care as a necessary act of self-preservation by caring for ourselves, our families, and our communities. Self-care encompasses activities that refuel and recharge our mind, body, and spirit. Self-care activities add to our sense of well-being as opposed to taking away from it. The great thing is you don’t need a lot of money to make self-care a top priority, and with a little finesse, you can plan routines and practices that work for you.

What self-care means to you might differ from what self-care means to your best friend.  The key is to find a balance of self-care routines that speak to you and your lifestyle. And if you and your best friend have some of the same self-care rituals, you can share those! Ask yourself, “What are my needs, and how can I address them? “ Approach your self-care routines with purpose and awareness. In other words, be mindful that you are purposefully engaging in a self-care activity and be aware of the outcomes of that activity. It might help to keep a journal of your self-care routines and write down how the exercises make you feel and the pros and cons of each activity. Maybe do this in the beginning if you are new to self-care, or try it now if self-care is something you practice regularly and you want to mix things up a bit.

I recently purchased The Self-Care Planner: A Weekly Guide to Prioritize You by Meera Lester. I am looking forward to using this guide to help me intentionally focus on myself. I will let you know my thoughts about the planner in an upcoming post!

Now that I’ve encouraged you and piqued your interest, and arrested your attention, I hope you’re as inspired as I am to begin our self-care journey! So, where do we start?

6 Self-Care Practices to Help You Focus on You

1. Get deep into sleep and practice mindful eating.

Sleep is an altered state of consciousness. According to the Dalai Lama, “sleep is the best meditation.” Sleep restores and repairs your body. For many of you, a good night’s sleep is often a dream. Unfortunately, by not practicing good sleep habits, you are inviting unwanted negative energy. You are not alone in your quest for restful nights. Approximately 70 million adults in the U.S. struggle with a sleep or wakefulness disorder such that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has declared the issue a public health problem. Although the CDC recommends 7 – 9 hours of sleep for adults, sleep quality is also important. Good quality sleep begins with recognizing when you’re sleepy and building a routine around your body’s natural sleep clock.

What you eat affects your sleep. I know this sounds like common sense, but with midnight refrigerator raids and late-night Uber eats deliveries, do you really focus on eating well? Your body is a beautifully balanced machine designed to be in a state of equilibrium. Focusing on what you eat and drink gives your body the fuel it needs to sleep soundly.

2. Take time out to smell or plant the roses.

You can literally get out and smell the roses by spending more time outdoors. Not only will spending more time outdoors boost your mood, but research shows that too much artificial light throws off your circadian rhythm. Being sedentary is also counterproductive to how your mind and body function. According to Robin Berzin of Parsley Health, “We evolved to move…” If you’re not moving, that might be the reason you’re not sleeping.

If you’re not into gardening, you can figuratively plant roses by journaling and being mindful of the good things you did to invest in yourself and the challenges you experienced in focusing on yourself. At the end of the week, gather your bouquet of roses and pat yourself on the back; but be sure to clip your thorns and prune to make way for new roses!

3. Be still and tune in, but don’t overthink.

‘Be still and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10) is a verse that is popular among believers. Even if you are not a believer, I’m sure you’re familiar with the verse. The year 2020 was when many of us were commanded to be still in one way or another. Whatever your stillness looked like, you had to take notice of what was happening in the world and your personal environment. Sitting still in the midst of nothing but your thoughts can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Finding stillness requires taking your thoughts captive when they begin to get out of control. Intentional thinking is essential to self-care and to avoiding catastrophizing. Taking your thoughts captive isn’t always easy, but as you get better at being mindful of your thoughts, you improve your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

4. “No” is a complete sentence. Master the art of saying “no”.

This could be as simple as permitting yourself to say no to an unwanted added responsibility or setting boundaries for yourself like saying “no” to checking text messages and emails while eating dinner or saying “no” to that feeling of needing to respond to emails as soon as they hit your inbox. Don’t say yes to something you are not fully committed to. Research speaks to how saying “no” is essential to your health and suggests ways to say “no” without actually saying it.

5. Practice the art of meditation.

As with other self-care practices, quieting the mind is at the heart of meditation. Meditation is simple but takes practice. Every effort helps. You can practice meditation anywhere. According to the Mayo Clinic, meditation promotes stress reduction, it costs very little, and you don’t need any special equipment to meditate. Meditation helps you to focus on your breathing and slow down your stress response.

6. Sharpen your emotional intelligence (EI).

Yes EI is a thing. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your emotions. Negative emotions like fear, rage, and jealousy can overwhelm you and send you spiraling out of control. Rather than lock these emotions away, you need to develop a healthy relationship with them. Sharpening your EI puts you on the path to not only recognizing destructive emotions in yourself and others but to make room for these emotions in your life. The mantra for this year, 2020, speaks eloquently to this in proclaiming, “It’s okay to not be okay!” Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to feel jealousy, rage, or anxiety? From a scientific perspective, that’s highly unlikely. You experience emotions to help you achieve your social and emotional goals. So although you might experience a sense of distress and discomfort, I encourage you to invite those dark emotions in so you can get to know them better. Take control and don’t let them take control of you.