One of the first articles I posted to this blog was an article on Self-Love. I figured several of us were in a headspace where we probably hadn’t taken enough time to acknowledge all the great things that make us who we are. Self-Love begins with accepting yourself, recognizing that you are not perfect, but you are enough. Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself that unlocks the door to self-acceptance.
Self-compassion is a close second to and lies at the root of self-love. Self-compassion is all about treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend who has experienced a loss or is going through something troubling. Some people would say that to show kindness to yourself, you must first know how to be kind to others. I say learning to be kind begins with you. How can we be kind to others if we can’t be kind to ourselves? How can we offer grace and love to others if we can’t be graceful with ourselves?
Self-compassion not only involves being kind to yourself but also being attentive to and nurturing your needs. It means not being too hard on yourself if it seems that others around you are doing much better than you. Know that any pain you experience is real, and it’s okay for you not to have all the answers.
3 Features of Self-Compassion
Kristin Neff, Ph.D., the University of Texas at Austin, lists three self-compassion components: common humanity, mindfulness, and self-kindness.
1. Common humanity is about knowing that you are not perfect but loving and respecting yourself anyway. It’s allowing yourself room to make mistakes and realize that other people make mistakes too. Making mistakes is a part of life that connects us to others. In these connections, we see that we are not alone on this journey of living life. We learn from our mistakes and take those lessons into our successes. We are okay with not achieving every goal as planned because we’ve gained knowledge.
2. Mindfulness in this context is living openly and without judgment. It is minding your thoughts and feelings about yourself. It is not pushing away or ignoring negative feelings to the extent that you are in denial. However, it is about widening your self-concept, how you see yourself. Allow yourself to experience any negative emotions, let them wash over, recognize that this too shall pass. These are just a few of many experiences you will have, and you won’t let them overtake you. Emotional intelligence is key! Being in tune with your emotions sets the stage for you to have compassion for yourself and others.
3. Self-Kindness is treating yourself with kindness in the face of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty about your ability. Instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” when you don’t meet a goal, say to yourself, “I tried my best. And now that I’ve learned something from this experience, I’ll know what to do next time! “
Benefits of Self-Compassion
How does self-compassion benefit you? Self-compassion is a healthy alternative to self-criticism. It is a source of empowerment, self-discovery, and inner strength.
Self-compassion is about a change in attitude and is linked to positive outcomes such as decreased stress, more optimism, reduced anxiety, enhanced well-being, and a greater sense of self-worth.
Self-compassion is also associated with increased motivation as it helps us view failure as a learning opportunity rather than something from which we can never recover. Consequently, we are more likely to adhere to healthy behavioral changes such as exercise and eating healthier.
Rather than listening to your inner critic, speak positive things. Although things might not have turned out the way you wanted them to, you’re human, and humans are not infallible. We all make mistakes. Acknowledge what went wrong and what you might do to avoid such things in the future. By doing so, you cultivate awareness, leading you to be kind not only to yourself but also to others around you who are just as fallible.
What are your thoughts? Let’s chit-chat!
Are you kind to yourself? Do you practice self-love? What about self-care? What are some things you do to foster self-compassion? Let me know. Your suggestions might help someone!
