You are beautiful in every way. There is no flaw in you. Never let anyone tell you any different. They see your glory, but they don’t know your story. Wouldn’t they be amazed?
We’ve heard it over and over again. “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love somebody else?” The idea being that to love someone, you must first learn to love yourself. But what is self-love? How do you obtain self-love? Can you get it from purchasing more things? Will you experience self-love if you only see yourself as someone else sees you? Or can a new relationship be the source of self-love? The answer to these questions is no. Self-love is not simply a feeling; it is an action. When we engage in actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being, we practice self-love.
Merriam Webster defines self-love as an appreciation of your own self-worth or virtue and paying attention to your own happiness or well-being. Self-love is often mistakenly equated with narcissism. However, this could not be further from the truth. Self-love is rooted in your self-concept or how you see yourself. Your self-concept begins to develop at an early age as you answer the question, “Who am I? ” As you grow older, what was once a simple sense of self, grows into a full-blown sense of self. How does self-concept relate to self-love? Just as your self-concept changes over time, self-love is dynamic and grows through actions that mature us, such as being totally comfortable in your own skin. If you have a positive view of yourself, self-love and self-acceptance will come easy for you.
5 Steps to Self-Love
- Practice mindfulness (funny how this keeps coming up, it must be important). When you practice mindfulness, you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and desires. You are focused on the moment and more likely to experience self-acceptance and self-love. You are well aware of what you want for yourself and not distracted by or concerned with what others want or expect of you! And you are better able to discern your needs from your wants.
- Question automatic behaviors. Resist urges to engage in behaviors that seem impulsive or that feel oh so good, but you know they’re wrong. I know it’s easier said than done, but be strong and stay focused on the things that benefit you instead of the things that hurt you. Don’t beat yourself up if things happen, but be aware of those things when they happen. Also, be mindful of engaging in things you do just because it’s something you’ve always done, but it no longer resonates with you. So why continue to do it?
- Learn to say “no.” Say no when you don’t have the time or energy to complete a project that represents who you really are, and you know you won’t give it your best effort. Love yourself enough to protect yourself from projects or activities that drain you of your emotional, physical, and/or spiritual resources.
- Purge toxic people from your life. You deserve the best! Don’t surround yourself with people who rejoice in your failures and scorn your successes. Maybe you’ve outgrown a friendship, and that individual is no longer meant to be a part of your journey. They are not traveling down the same road. You are moving forward, and they are stuck in the same place, standing still. Cut those toxic people loose. Say good riddance! Refuse to let these individuals dim your SELF-LOVE LIGHT! You are glowing, and they can’t stand it.
- Know your worth, and forgive yourself. You are enough! Yes, there are times when you struggle with being confident in who you yet want approval and acceptance from others. Be confident in knowing that it’s okay for you to do you and still want, but not need others’ approval. When you realize this, you are more likely to perceive self-love as positive rather than self-serving or negative. And you are less likely to be so hard on yourself and unforgiving when you make mistakes. Mistakes are learning opportunities. Take advantage of your opportunity to learn and grow
Let Self-Love Rule
Years ago, I had a conversation with a good friend who is like a sister to me. I could tell from the words she spoke, her positive tone, and the smile I heard in her voice that she was in a place she hadn’t been in a very long time—a place of contentment. I was so happy for her. What a sense of peace she must have felt! Here’s to all my sisters who are in that place! A place of peace, confidence, and of loving one’s self. A place of moving forward on the road to accepting and loving yourself more and experiencing spiritual growth. You go, girl! Do your thing! Let’s travel down that road together and edify one another along the way!
How do you let self-love rule?
I’d love to hear about the ways you practice self-love and acceptance. Tell me about them in the comments down below!
