Have you ever thought about what it means to self-sabotage? Picture this. You start 5 projects at one time, knowing you honestly only have time to entirely focus on 2. You make a million commitments to fill your days, so you now have an excuse for not exercising or cooking healthy meals. At the same time, you constantly tell yourself you want to lose weight, but you can’t find time to commit to exercising regularly and eating right. You put limits on how successful you allow yourself to be. You consistently tell yourself that the one thing that worked for them will never work for you.
Or is social comparison your thing? Lisa can work full-time, take care of three kids, and cook healthy dinners every night, and she still has time to look great. Why can’t I do that?
Does any of that self-talk or conscious thought stream sound like you? If the answer is yes, you, my friend, are engaging in self-sabotaging. On the one hand, self-sabotaging is a comfort zone thing. It keeps you safe. At the same time, self-sabotaging keeps your dreams small, keeps you full of self-doubt, and you’re forever engaging in social comparison.
Self-sabotage can keep you from reaching your goals and living out your dreams or purpose. It can keep you stuck! The good news is that you can overcome this self-destructive behavior. If you’re wondering how you can stop getting in your own way, you’ve come to the right place.
Follow these five simple steps to break free from the vicious cycle of self-sabotage!
1. Identify how the cycle begins.
You didn’t get here by mistake. Self-sabotage is a habit meaning that it has a predictable pattern. Recognize how your self-sabotaging starts and jump on it quickly before it has a chance to consume you. Ask yourself some questions. How does it show up? How do you stop yourself from going to the next level or overreacting?
To prepare for the next step, think about this. What is it that you fear? What are your triggers?
2. Get to know your fear.
Label your fear. Recognize it. Is it a fear of the unknown? Do you have a fear of success? For example, do you often think, “If I succeed, I’ll no longer have an excuse to fail” or “My safety net is gone!”
Self-sabotaging is your ego’s way of protecting you. It’s your way of holding on to your F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real).
How can you become more intimate with your fear? Journal about it. Ask yourself questions such as: What am I afraid of? Or What is it about XYZ that makes it so scary?
Continue to question until you get to the root of your fear. What’s holding you back from doing the thing you want most?
Then, ask: What if? What if the thing that I fear most happened? Could I handle it? How would I handle it? Which one is bigger, my fear or my dreams?
You might be surprised by the answer. You might find that your fear is not so scary after all. You can handle the worst-case scenario. In fact, you already have! And you’ve lived to tell about it! You’re a survivor.
When you become intimate with your fear, you begin to realize that the fear doesn’t necessarily go away, but it begins to lose its power over you to the point that it becomes powerless. It is no longer this big, looming, dreadful thing.
3. Declare your goals daily.
Set yourself up for success by making your goals known. Boldly reaffirm your goals. Break them down into manageable chunks so that you have 6-month goals, 90-day goals, monthly goals, and weekly goals.
Make your goals specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-based (SMART goals). Write them down. Revisit your goals every day. Keep them where you can see them. Hide them in your heart so that they are real and meaningful to you. This will make it harder to self-sabotage. You’ll recognize that you’re not only capable of accomplishing and achieving your dreams, but your dreams become inevitable. They are bound to happen. You are bound to succeed. You’ll then notice a shift in how you pursue your goals. You’ll notice that recommitting to your goals daily is second nature.
When you have a bad day (notice that I didn’t say “if” because “when” is the realistic choice), let it go. Release it, reset, and move forward. Be kind. Don’t ruminate, rehash, or rewind.
4. Make the most of doing less.
Do the things that matter most instead of the things that don’t. Focus on W.I.Ns, What’s Important Now. Stop choosing overwhelm and focus only the tasks that will get you closer to achieving your goals. Let go of the things that do not serve a purpose.
Create a top 3 -5 list of tasks to do daily instead of a long list that you’ll never get to anyway. Think about the time it might take to complete each task, set a timer, and stop the task when the timer goes off. Move on to the next one.
“No” is a complete sentence. Say no to anything that doesn’t serve you or isn’t a priority. Or delegate tasks. It’s okay and quite alright to ask for help.
5. Get an accountability partner.
Join a group of like-minded people. Meet at least once a month to share your goals, experiences, and wins, and hold each other accountable. Encourage one another. When you experience challenges take the opportunity to share in the safe space of your community.
Stop getting in your own way. Start living the life you deserve, full of self-compassion, free from self-doubt, guilt, and shame.
Stop self-sabotaging for good! Live a limitless life!
Ready to “embrace change”? Sign up today for your 35-minute complimentary breakthrough session and let’s chat about how you can end the self-sabotage cycle for good!
